So what is infidelity? Some people would say that infidelity occurs only when there has been “actual intercourse.” Of course, that leaves a lot of territory open to interpretation and self-deluding denial. Does that mean kissing and intimate touching someone other than your partner is not infidelity? Does that mean that oral sex “doesn’t count”? Does that mean two people who bring each other to orgasm without penetration didn’t engage in “actual intercourse”? Or a hand up the skirt or down the blouse of an ex, a co-worker, or an old girlfriend? Or a flirtatious comment? What about lunch and sexy talk with someone from the office? What about “phone sex” or “Internet sex” or flirting in a chat room?
A lot of people play mind games with themselves and their partners, pretending that if they engage in this or that behavior, then it “doesn’t count” as infidelity. I would suggest to you that infidelity consists of any sexually related act you keep secret from your partner or which your partner would view as betrayal.
Infidelity is behavior that breaks the promise and breaches the trust of marriage. Since promise-keeping and are essential ingredients of marital intimacy, infidelity attacks the very essence of marriage bond. Infidelity drives a wedge of dishonesty, secrecy, and distrust into the very heart and soul of the marriage relationship.
This statement poses a whole host of questions. So let’s delve into this further.